ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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