I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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