Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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