guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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