Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
