Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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