I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
