YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
