Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
