I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize