"it" just moved
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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