Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize