So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize