My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
