just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
