Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
