your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize