Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
