Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
