Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
