Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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