You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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