Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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