did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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