i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize