who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
