I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
