Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You were trust falling into bushes
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
