sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
