I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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