i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
