I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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