i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
