Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
