I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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