1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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