You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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