Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he was CRYING into my vagina
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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