Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize