And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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