I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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