so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Randomize
