I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
