Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
