just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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