So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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