Your dad touched me again.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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