I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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