dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
