thus making me awesome and them whores
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
