Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
