i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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