I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize