id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's shark week go big or go home
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
