im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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