i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
