just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
