my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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