a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
