So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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