he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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