I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
