My room smells like vodka and shame
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
