She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
