A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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