shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
