Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
