i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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