at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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