did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
