chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
