The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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