I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
