Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
