Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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