but the lizard people decide everything anyway
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
